such is life

Down with fever, blocked nose and a swollen/sore nose + upper lip. Notice how swollen my upper lip is and my inproportionate nose? I've been under this spell for 2 days and I came down with a fever today. Skipped dance and went straight home, i'm just really drained from everything.

I'm grounded till the end of eoys oh the joy. Sometimes I don't get why my parents are so uptight about me? They constantly hove around me and scrutinize every little thing I do. I get how they want me to do wll but I despise being chained down by such ridiculous rules and curfews. It seems like they don't trust me one bit and I'm coerced to follow their plan for me. I don't have a say in anything. If they do trust me, why must they go to such extents just to get me to sit down and do my work. I want to do well, who doesn't? Why can't you guys see that?

Enough ranting, say hi to my carebear :) I'm currently hugging it tightly now cuz I'm freezing in my room and it has an amazing smell~ hehehe Its my one and only soft toy present on my bed and I adore it so much ^^ Heading to bed soon hoping that my sore nose will be better tomorrow :(

when you're stuck and lost

brb, i'm dying. Let me just dwell on about how much I dread going to the jailhouse tomorrow. I despise it and I'm not prepared to get my ass there in about 9 hours time. I have 1 more week till holidays but this week is not gonna be easy.

 

e v e r y t h i n g i s n t g o i n g w e l l a n d g o i n g b a c k to t h e j a i l h o u s e i s n ot h e l p i n g o n e b i t . y o u r k i n d n e s s i s g r e a t l y a p p r e c i a t e d . u g h .

lost in space

#ootd #wiwt

I'm so sorry for leaving this space empty for 2 weeks. But i'm back, alive.

These 2 weeks were pretty hectic and i'm drained from it. Just gotta last for the next week before the september holidays begin. Though i've gotta mug the whole week, I'm glad there's a break and i'll be able to halt all the early morning wake up times and just wake up whenever i want.

So yesterday they told me I have an extremely high chance of retaining and yes, I'm well aware of that. Firstly, I do not want to spend another year cooped up in the jailhouse(this is the most dominant reason as to why i do not want to retain) and secondly, I would have to start the year all over again. Am I scared? Of course I am.

Have I been studying?  I have been but it doesn't show and thats why I'm really scared. I'm always so distracted and I can never get myself to focus. I'm honestly extremely apprehensive about all this.

So this morning, I rosed at 7am and watched the Titanic. Its probably my favourite movie ever since young and its been long since I watched it. I thought it would be nice just to let myself wander about before waking up again. Cuz i'm so tired.

look at the stars, look how they shine for you

Went out with gwen today to study, have macs and just lepak :)

Staring at this blank space thinking of what I should write but nothing seems to be coming to my mind so i'll just be writing about myself. If you don't intend to read this post you can leave now :) Seems quite wierd to be typing out about myself but oh well. So I started blogging when I was p5 and this is my 3rd or 4th blog..? I'm not to sure myself. I changed my url quite a few times but its contents remain the same ever since sec 1. I'm 15 this year and i'm currently stuck in a jailhouse anticipating my freedom from this prohibited area. I despise it due to its prejudiced beliefs. I take 9 insane subjects, which is nothing to be proud of in all honesty, and its torturing me.

I have a hidden obssesion over photography and i'm currently saving up to get my own dslr :) I love the colours black, navy and maroon/burgundy but I won't stick to them. I'm 161cm and my weight shall not be revealed as i feel extremely insecure about it. I dislike being judged, I don't think anyone particularly likes being judged and I love writing. Writing to me comes freely and naturally, i don't know, but i feel liberated writing something, and thats probably the only thing i'm capable of doing good at. I hate science, I just can't do well in it espacially chemistry. If you were in my sec 2 class, you would know the degree of hatred I have towards chemistry.

I am currently reading fifty shades darker. yes, yes, yes i'm reading it and I am a muslim. I'm partly chinese and malay so that makes me a mixed blood :) or I would also say I'm the product of a multi racial marriage....? I have no idea but you get the drift. My inspirations are Allison Harvard, Kendall Jenner and some other people i shan't state who.

And lastly, I have an older sister! :) Her name is Sara and she's 17 this year. She's studying in Temasek Poly School of Applied Science and I miss her :') I think thats pretty much all you need to know so yup :)

good morning

good morning earthlings. I was trying to see how brown my hair looks like oh wellll

Heading to the jailhouse in an hours time oh the joy.. :( Really hope everything goes well and i'll be able to do my foutte, wish me luck! Woke up this morning to sew my shirt and planned on finishing up some work but i didn't so i'll either have to rush it through tonight or tomorrow. I have horrible time management skills and that puts me at a disadvantage at everything i do sigh.

anyway, wish me luck for later! xx fingers :)

they told me i was a failure

My weekends were spent in town, wasn't academically productive at all. Spent my saturday cooped up at a bookstore indulging myself in books. It has been a really long time since I spent hours trawling through the shelves to find a good read. And i did :) Be The Worse You Can Be is such a quirky and eccentric book, i'm in love with it hehe but sadly, i was unable to purchase it. Reading it brought me to a world where people don't really care about your opinions and views. Its a non-judgemental place where you have your freedom of speech. One of my favourite quotes I picked up from the book was 'I do not believe in fate. I do not believe your destiny is controlled by you. I do not believe that you can shape the outcome of your life. People are tossed about in a capricious sea of unknowable , indiscriminate circumstances. Some drown. Some survive. Some thrive.'

That sentence really caught my attention as i was flipping through the gold pages of the book. How ones future seems so bleak and we're unable to foresee what the future lies. We can't shape our future, cuz we're constantly in this pool of unknowingness. We're vulnerable, we're fragile and hence, some people may thrive or some may drown. This is merely my opinion, i mean no offence or harm so please do not take it the wrong way. :)

Next, I'm here to do a dedication post so if you have no interest in reading a paragraph long where i express my gratitude to a certain someone, you're free to leave this page :)

My sister :) I miss her presence in school, I miss all the things we did together in school and I miss her :( Ever since she graduated, going back and forth to the jail house has been horrible. I miss hugging her whenever i see her, i miss her lending me spare cash and i miss her presence so much. She talks to me about my studies and she'll always be there when i'm upset over my scores. I miss how I know I'll always have someone beside me in school and how she'll just be there for me. She has graduated now and she tells me stories about life in poly :) I miss my sister :( I really do and I love her so much :)

temptations and jealousy

I have been having an interminable crave for waffles and ice cream. Just imagine, the warm layers of waffles as you devour into them combined with the creamy, cold ice-cream reaching each and every taste bud on your tongue. A myraid of flavours burst in your mouth with the unfathomable combination of fire and ice lingering in your tongue, you can't help but to take another bite. oh how sinful yum.

But i'm fasting, so no waffles and ice cream for me :( Fasting has been fine, surprisingly. I'm able to hold in my thirst and hunger quite well and in all honesty, the hardest part of this process is abiding to the restrictions we have to conform to. It becomes a tough feat when you realize the habits you've been doing daily aren't pleasing. It hasn't been easy to refrain myself from all the temptations and distractions surrounding me. I won't say i've been doing well cuz i'll be lying to myself if I ever said that. i'm doing fine, just fine :)