thoughts like sand on the ground

So my scores are beyond horrifying. They sting my eyes. I am the lowest in class for chem, eng, probably emath and more for the next few subjects to come. Failing has been something I got used to and its numbing me. But other than the ASDFGHJKL feeling of failing, I feel so fucking helpless and useless. I don't usually pour my soul to this space but its time I empty my bin of thoughts on this space since it is my own personal space.

I can't comprehend this exhausting feeling. So lets talk about school first yeah? What I've learnt from receiving bullshit-like results? Better will never be good enough. Even if I'm gonna try harder, I'll never reach anything. I've got to push myself no matter how I feel. Because I miss that feeling- that feeling of seeing an A on my report book, that feeling of getting praised and acknowledged for my hard work. I miss all that. I'm left with this sinking feeling and its sucks so fucking bad.

Next, my existence seems so unappreciated. I don't even know why I exist. What am I doing wasting my life away on this Earth, I don't even contribute or bring any justice to the human race. If I can't be a pillar for anyone, then why... Why am I living? Why then do I try my best to help the people around me smile when I can't even bring myself to? I don't even know who I am anymore.

I feel like a senseless object, just a piece of waste material roaming through the winds of the Earth. Not needed by anyone, not worth anyone's precious time.