when the stars refuse to shine

#ootd my current favourite shirt hehe #ForGodSoLoved :)

Today, my friends and I were merely walking around and decided to pop into the arcade when suddenly, this little wuss stopped us at the entrance because apparently, we are underaged. Since when did arcades have an age limit....? Because I clearly remember myself entering the exact same arcade a year back without any doubts from anyone there. /rage

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Oh yes, I found out my friends are closet muggers and I'm the only lost sheep. Better start mugging like them cuz surrounded by intelligent souls is demoralizing and you'll feel extremely inferior.

School again tomorrow oh goodness. Its only the first week of school and I'm already dreading the coming weeks. How I wish I could be swallowed up by mother nature and wake up when fairytales and happy endings are true because school makes you feels so damn stupid and it drains out every inch of energy I have.

anyway, just gonna leave a piece of my mind here.
don't you get tired of always giving in when people just take it for granted. don't you get tired of always being the one that puts in so much effort just to know no one cares about it all. or when you're just there but no one cares of your existence.

dying flame

First day of school sucked, as expected. Half the time, I was just following people aimlessly thinking what the hell am I doing there when I have an mc. But anyways, I still went to school.

Changed the seating arrangement and now I'm right in front. Oh the joy to be a centremetre away from the view of the teacher, they'll enthusiastically scrutinize every single piece of my work and they won't hesitate to pick on me. How mundane.

Surprisingly, I'm in a mood to study which is rare and unlikely so I'll probably hit the books soon after a nap or some personal time for myself just doing the nonsense that I always do. Sometimes, I just love being alone. Away from people, away from humans. I'd crawl into my bed and start with my delusional magic making hehe. Sigh, my mind becomes over zealous at times like this.

I probably just wasted 2 minutes of your lifetime from reading 3 paragraphs of my bullshit so i'll sign off now then.

light

June holidays are coming to an end and I'm so sorry for not updating! I'm down with flu, fever, cough, sore throat and all that jazz. My ears are blocked and I feel extremely drained of energy. But it was definitely worth it :) So to end this holiday, I'll be writting about the 2 highlights this month.

Firstly,

OCIP :)

I cannot comprehend as to how much I learn from this amazing trip :) It changed me so much and has broadened my pperspective of this world and society. I'm truly blessed to have gon for this trip and I would most definitely go back to siem reap if I had to rewind time. Missing my little dearies so bad and all I want is for them to have a fruitful education :)

Next,

MUSICAL #ForGodSoLoved :)

This musical has been such a memorable journey and i'll never exchange anything with the experience and memories formed during the whole process. Yes, I'm sick now but its all worth it :) My sleepless nights are all worth it because in all honesty, i've never felt so at ease before. I felt closer to God even though I'm not Christian. I respect all religions and now that its over, I just really want to know more about my religion. I feel so blessed and honoured to be part of this amazing production and I have come to learn and get close to people I never knew I would talk to. This journey taught me self descipline, managing my time between studies and rehearsals and I had to coerce myself to study and read through all my notes. I'll definitely miss rehearsals and acting. hehe never actually thought that i'll act ^^ I hope everyone who attended the musical feels more whole and enlighten because for me, this experience is such a life-changing one and I honestly am unable to emphasize more on that :)

they don't really know you're breathing

3 more practices till the actual musical.

I guess i'm a teeny weeny tiny winy bit excited?

For the past week i've been travelling back to school and today, just like any ordinary day, my mind started stimulating thoughts in my bus ride to school. You know, just plain old thoughts about the weather, my cravings for food, how i'm so paranoid about certain things, the people that have entered and left in my 15 years of breathing on the phase of this earth, the new experiences I deal with everyday. Yup, just thoughts.

I didn't like it.

People who left for the wrong reasons or maybe just an empty place which never filled up. People who were and are physically there but just an empty spot deep within. That it I truly hated.

When their words are filled with empty promises or when they built you up only to tear you down, that it I have so much displeasure towards.

"Or maybe, its just me" "Why am I so gullible" " I should've known"you'll start thinking to yourself, to myself.

It, doesn't it hurt?

So yes, the myraid of thoughts that linger in my mind, my inner thoughts just having a voice, a say, an opinion. As it creeps back to where it belongs, as I go back to the hectic rehearsel schedule, my day starts.

until the sky falls down on me

I have a current obsession with the evening sky.

I think its beautiful, how breathtaking.

The weather is scorching today, yesterday and every other day.

My head hurts.

I'm suppose to be studying.

Random thoughts that popped in my mind. The weather recently is mad. It feels like i'm living in an open sauna and the temperature is constant. I should be studying but no, I'm here blogging.

I'm finally 15 and I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. I would love to be 18 right now but a part of me would really like to turn back time when i was 5. When life was so much simpler. I honestly can't cope with this 9 fucking subjects, its such a torment. Amath and chemistry are bullshit to me, i mean would I need to know what anions, cations, sodium hydroxide, calcium nitrate, bases, salts, alkaline and acids are 10 years down the road? I don't mean to offend the subject or anyone who loves it so much but I loathe it, its just my opinion.



#ootd
top- flea @ scape
bottom- h&m
shoes-new look
rings from the editor's market and bone necklace from cambodia
I have not done this for a long time.

red wine and ice tea

12 June 2012, Happy birthday my dear Ashley! :)

Musical rehearsals again today, mad tired now. Oh how I wish I could curl myself up under my sheets and have a sip of some delgihtful iced caramel macchiato(the weather is extremely hot) not knowing what tomorrow will be instead of coming home half dead knowing that I'd have to sacrifice my sleep for the pathetic reason of having to complete my work and most importantly, study. By the time I reach my table, it feels like a dozen tiny stones stuck onto my eyelids and its coercing me to close them tight.

So far, I've completed nothing. I've been doing my work in bits and pieces whenever I can find snippets of time here and there. On a lighter note, at least I touched alkl of it, yes? And my studying has been rather progressive excluding chemistry since I recently saved it from the lab ^^

I'm just hoping I'll be able to increase my scores this term so that I'll be able to shut those imbeciles mouths about me and how I'm so unfocused all the time.

I just find this rather............. amusing?

lemonade

What I've been doing for the past 1 week.This space has been dead since 30th May and I'm here to relive it. Changed a few things, I got tired of this space and how dull it looks all the time. I'm probably in a phase where my mind does not seem to comprehend the fact that I have rehearsels for the next 2 weeks and it'll take up most of my time and therefore, my studies will be jeopardized. Yes, my mind is unable to grasp that yet. But sooner or later, I'll have to face reality that school will be resumed in 2 weeks time and nothing has been done. 

Oh the joy, to see all my undone homework piling up and my chemifuckingstry file meditating in the science lab. I am honestly not going anywhere with my never-succeeding-always-failing study plans. So far, I have only completed english homework. Started on both math and it was a nightmare doing math. I lost all senses of numericals and algebra, I can barely simplify an equation. Oh yes, how was LAMDA? It wasn't as bad as    I thought it would be, the lady is extremely friendly and welcoming though I was shaking uncontrollably.

So yes, this is the current situation in my life right now. In a mass of an unsolved jigsaw puzzle yet I'm unable to gear myself to at least attempt to put some pieces together.