tendencies

I have not been blogging religiously as what I expected to, but i've been rather active on instagram lately. Instagram has completely refashion our lives and is another excuse for me to not blog as much. This conventional platform has certainly entwine itself into our daily tendencies and what nots. This creation is definitely a plus for me and I hope I don't bore anyone with this ubiquitous post. Another few visual snippets of my life, anyone? xx 

wary

I thought I was on the right track, I thought I made a change in my daily life but evidently, I did not. Many of times I reiterate'why?' to myself in hopes that my mind could concoct some type of a radical answer for me to justify the fact that somewhere somehow something went absolutely wrong but through the many hours harping on the same notion, all I could come up with was an 'i don't know' which irked me to ends wits. I didn't see the point of trying anymore because I did try but it definitely did not come across the way I expected it to. I cried, I definitely did but somehow, I managed to pick myself up. And I must say, I'm proud at the way I geared myself to look at things in a positive manner but of course deep within me there is a prominent sense of fear, envy and shame. Will I be able to get into the course I want? Why is everyone else doing better than me even when I tried my best? How am I suppose to face the educators, my peers and my classmates who are doing perfectly fine when i'm just... stranded? 

Currently, what i'm most afraid of is if I will ever see an A in the next few coming months. How will I be able to achieve my goal of a single digit for my L1R4.. Am I even capable of such heights? But i'm trying, i'm trying to turn the negative energy to a positive one. I'm trying and though I may not be the best example, we should all just try cause at the end of the day, at least I know I tried.

look at the stars, look how they shine for you

Went out with gwen today to study, have macs and just lepak :)

Staring at this blank space thinking of what I should write but nothing seems to be coming to my mind so i'll just be writing about myself. If you don't intend to read this post you can leave now :) Seems quite wierd to be typing out about myself but oh well. So I started blogging when I was p5 and this is my 3rd or 4th blog..? I'm not to sure myself. I changed my url quite a few times but its contents remain the same ever since sec 1. I'm 15 this year and i'm currently stuck in a jailhouse anticipating my freedom from this prohibited area. I despise it due to its prejudiced beliefs. I take 9 insane subjects, which is nothing to be proud of in all honesty, and its torturing me.

I have a hidden obssesion over photography and i'm currently saving up to get my own dslr :) I love the colours black, navy and maroon/burgundy but I won't stick to them. I'm 161cm and my weight shall not be revealed as i feel extremely insecure about it. I dislike being judged, I don't think anyone particularly likes being judged and I love writing. Writing to me comes freely and naturally, i don't know, but i feel liberated writing something, and thats probably the only thing i'm capable of doing good at. I hate science, I just can't do well in it espacially chemistry. If you were in my sec 2 class, you would know the degree of hatred I have towards chemistry.

I am currently reading fifty shades darker. yes, yes, yes i'm reading it and I am a muslim. I'm partly chinese and malay so that makes me a mixed blood :) or I would also say I'm the product of a multi racial marriage....? I have no idea but you get the drift. My inspirations are Allison Harvard, Kendall Jenner and some other people i shan't state who.

And lastly, I have an older sister! :) Her name is Sara and she's 17 this year. She's studying in Temasek Poly School of Applied Science and I miss her :') I think thats pretty much all you need to know so yup :)

delusional

The syf exhibition at lasalle preferably 2 weeks ago :) couldn't upload the photos cuz of common tests and what nots so here they are :) btw, all the artworks were truly amazing :)

Gave school a miss today cuz my tummy and head says so. I've been having on off, mild gastrics and my head's been having throbbing migraines. It hurts so bad i swear. Nevertheless, i'll be heading back to school tomorrow without my baggu. Decided to wash my baggu since its getting quite unsightly so i'm switching back to jansport! It seems like every second half of the year i'll always switch back to my jansport ever since sec 1 oh welllllll

The weather has been nasty these few days, explains why i've been having horrible migraines. Its rare that i'll be down with migraines but i was and still am. I have lots of tasks and asssignments to do but my lazy arse isn't moving :( I'm extremely unproficient in managing my time and thats probably my biggest weakness right now. I tend to rush at the last minute and in the end, i'll presume that i put in much effort when all i did was rush through the last few days/nights. Sigh, i need to learn how to manage my time well and place my priorities at where they should be and not where i want them to be. I can't constantly be nuaing on the bed the whole day or spend most of my time stuffing myself with food just to make an excuse to start with whatever i have to. Oh gosh, this has got to stop. And i will make it stop in time for eoys.

Failed chem, amath and emath. I'd rather not talk about my scores so lets just leave that as it is. Its too dissapointing to even look at them.

red gumdrops

Allison Harvard(@alliharvard) - So kawaii + vogue at the same time. Her eccentric look is beyond beautiful and i really love how her photos are so quirky yet sophisticated. Such an inspiration and it'll be a dream to meet her \^^o^^/

Right now, i'd highly think i look like a puffer fish. My face, eyes, nose, lips cheeks are swollen and i feel like i've just fought a battle between my nose and my throat. I look and feel numb and nothing seems comforting to me. Not even a tub of good ol' ice cream or the feeling of being wrapped up under layers of  blankets. I feel so weak and fragile i wish i could just sleep in and feel nothing, nothing at all.