revelation part deux

I have not been a purveyor of healthy living, in that sense where I don't eat my meals regularly, sleep regularly, exercise, drink lots of water etc etc etc. Firstly, I detest drinking water. In a week I probably drink a maximum of 5-6 cups of water and i'm not even kidding. I can honestly go without water and rely on bottled/can drinks, and i won't even realise that my body has not even consumed an equitable amount of water to keep my system going. 

I don't eat my meals regularly too. I don't like the idea of having to consume 4 meals per day and maybe i don't realise on how much i've been cutting back but the worst part is, I dont even consume fluids which are essential for survival- and i'm sure we all know what i'm talking about here, yes it is water. 

I kept thinking as to why people around me could keep going although they are as equally stressed as me, equally loaded with work (with the exception of art), why they didn't fall ill easily, how they could continue burning the midnight oil without having all sorts of weird illnesses like me. And then I realised they drink LOTS of water, and I mean LOTS AND LOTS of water. The doctor said I had dehydration and exhaustion, came as a package with fever and some gastric pains here and there. 

And so I did some research, self-realization yada yada yada and I have finally realised the glorifying importance of drinking water. It was a whole revelation once it hit me that my body is lacking the nutrients water has on its own. I personally hate drinking water but i've been coercing myself to drink it in order to prevent further illnesses from getting to me. I will attempt to sort my life and hectic schedule right to prevent myself from falling ill again, till then xx

setbacks

Came home with a 38 degrees fever due to the hectic commotion of school, work and what nots. I'm trying to squeeze in everything with the meager hours I have. Taking art is one tough feat and I dare say that it is one of the most challenging and time-consuming subjects out there. I have been staying back everyday till 6 and that leaves me with around three hours to fit in the rest of the subjects. Enlighten me, if you may, the possibilities of NOT falling ill with such an arduous schedule. The rigor is just beyond my limits and i'm left to face the consequences of 'my' actions. And as to why I wrote 'my' instead of my, is simply because i'm succumbed to such circumstances and I do not have much of a choice. Sick or not, I still don't have much of a choice. Been rushing out my art even with the fever in me. Wonderful. 

ephemeral

 

 

The ephemeral joys in my present life. But of course, there's many more which aren't reflected here. Ever since I stepped down from dance, my days are revolved solely on art. Alright, maybe that's alittle of an exaggeration but you get the drift. For instance, I was cooped up in the art room till 9pm, it was definitely an arduous 5 hours but packed with loads of fun I would never experience elsewhere excluding the art room. 

Currently on a journey of self exploration and discoveries, unraveling its pieces bit by bit. Till then xx

P.S p.s cafe's Double Chocolate Blackout Cake is silent euphoria in your mouth, period. 

we grow

So I was browsing through my old posts in this barren space and i've been thinking on how much i've grown since last year. I have not been blogging consistently like I used too, I miss that feeling, of just poring everything out to this space. The feeling of just knowing that this space, though its a non living thing, will always cease my misery and all the feelings conjured in me. This post might be a fairly long one, just so you know.

I've been through much disappointment, the feeling of dejection, inferiority, miserable and pathetic, especially during my sec three years. I've never been the top or the best at anything. I'll always get put down one way or another, i'm well accustomed to the feeling of always being a dissapointment, of always being the 'useless' and good for nothing soul.. All that, i've been through it.

But i'm proud of myself for being able to close that heinous chapter of my life and move on as though nothing happened. For those who thought i was good for nothing yada yada yada, i pity you. For always putting people down, what unhappy lifes you live.

i'll try to blog more often :( time is just consuming me too much but all is well, i'm still afloat, above ground xx

tendencies

I have not been blogging religiously as what I expected to, but i've been rather active on instagram lately. Instagram has completely refashion our lives and is another excuse for me to not blog as much. This conventional platform has certainly entwine itself into our daily tendencies and what nots. This creation is definitely a plus for me and I hope I don't bore anyone with this ubiquitous post. Another few visual snippets of my life, anyone? xx 

wary

I thought I was on the right track, I thought I made a change in my daily life but evidently, I did not. Many of times I reiterate'why?' to myself in hopes that my mind could concoct some type of a radical answer for me to justify the fact that somewhere somehow something went absolutely wrong but through the many hours harping on the same notion, all I could come up with was an 'i don't know' which irked me to ends wits. I didn't see the point of trying anymore because I did try but it definitely did not come across the way I expected it to. I cried, I definitely did but somehow, I managed to pick myself up. And I must say, I'm proud at the way I geared myself to look at things in a positive manner but of course deep within me there is a prominent sense of fear, envy and shame. Will I be able to get into the course I want? Why is everyone else doing better than me even when I tried my best? How am I suppose to face the educators, my peers and my classmates who are doing perfectly fine when i'm just... stranded? 

Currently, what i'm most afraid of is if I will ever see an A in the next few coming months. How will I be able to achieve my goal of a single digit for my L1R4.. Am I even capable of such heights? But i'm trying, i'm trying to turn the negative energy to a positive one. I'm trying and though I may not be the best example, we should all just try cause at the end of the day, at least I know I tried.

remnants

In an exigent attempt to welcome February with a greater sense of mine but it definitely isn't working. Everything doesn't seem to be on the right track and its draining every ounce of energy within me. I feel myself disintegrating with each passing day. Is November nearing yet? xx 

deluded

thousand apologies for my lengthy absence and blur photos, i'm beat from the horrifying schedule i had for the week. the workload is ghastly and I foresee myself dying out even before term 3 commences. i wish i could say how excited i am for the weekends, but sadly, thats not the case. i'm piled on with a presumably large amount of work to accomplish and aside all that, i need time to catch my breath before beginning a week packed with tests, tests and more tests. I hope everyone is having a better weekend than me, cheerios xx

triplets

I recently installed the straits times app into my phone and it keeps me updated with the current affairs and all that jazz - i quite like it actually. another long, arduous day at school with the excruciating heat and to make things worse, the fan located at the area i sat at succumbed to the heat too and decided to take a break from its daily duties. Such a torture to stand for an hour and ten minutes due to my short term memory. yes, it is once again failing me and i can never remember things in its full, detailed form. four more days to endure and the cycle continues. xxx

clemency

the race has just begun yet i'm feeling so tired already, my physically exhausted body needs some est yet i don't foresee any in the coming weeks. a thousand apologies for the short post but school has been sucking out all the life in me. xxx

flashback

so the year is coming to an end and this will be my last post of the year 2012! 2012 has been ridiculously tough and in all honesty, i would never revisit this year. it did had its pros and cons but the cons definitely outweigh the pros and i'm relief that its ending. However, i am not one bit excited about the coming year and we all know why. i'll have to slog my way, eating shit all the way till november. and i cant wait for all of it to end. 

the holidays are sadly ending in about 2-3 days so i shall talk about how my holidays went. it was actually quite smooth other than the fact that i'm breaking out in rash all over my body and it really is quite unsightly. oh well, other than that, i did spend time with my sister which i'm most grateful about and i think we're closer now though we were already quite close. i'm glad we were able to spend time together cause i rarely see her ever since she graduated. so muah to her if she ever sees this :) 

i dont ever want holidays to end but it sadly does and i gotta gear up for 2013 cause its gonna be one heck of a year. happy new year guys and have a great year ahead. xxx

black and white

donned this navy blue blazer over my white button down, carried my new metallic clutch and brought my new(somewhat) kicks out. went for chloe's musical and it was really enjoyable and I had a great time watching it! especially  love the crazy costumes and hair ^o^ had a good day out today and its been rather long since i had such a day, do i hear the holidays coming to an end already?

getaway- bkk

 

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back from my 4 day trip in bkk and i absolutely hate the fact that i'm back in this miserable island ugh. bkk definitely had its ups and downs but overall it was a true getaway i needed before the preparations for war. i'm indeed contented with the trip and it somewhat reminded me about ocip early this year. reminiscing, reminiscing, reminiscing. leaving you guys with some of the visuals for the past 4 days xxx