guns and roses

 notice my trash bin right beside my table

 what a mess

 my three little babies

 Wednesday's #ootd #wiwt

 wednesday's haul

 water colour + red gouache

 depression and shame

burned the midnight oil for art

First and foremost, I'd like to apologise for my lengthy hiatus form this space. I was too emmersed in my abysmal routine of school and home. This basically sums up my entire first half of October. It started off agonizingly, I was down with a flu, fever and all that jazz. I was coerced to miss 2 days of the dreaded eoys. I could barely make my way around the house and i had intermitent occurences of purging. It was horrid and i'm glad its over. Mixed feelings about missing afew papers... since i have a high risk of retaining and receiving back my results tomorrow is just a slow, grueling death period.

Wish me luck! I'd probably start with my jitters even before morning assembly begins..

delusional

The syf exhibition at lasalle preferably 2 weeks ago :) couldn't upload the photos cuz of common tests and what nots so here they are :) btw, all the artworks were truly amazing :)

Gave school a miss today cuz my tummy and head says so. I've been having on off, mild gastrics and my head's been having throbbing migraines. It hurts so bad i swear. Nevertheless, i'll be heading back to school tomorrow without my baggu. Decided to wash my baggu since its getting quite unsightly so i'm switching back to jansport! It seems like every second half of the year i'll always switch back to my jansport ever since sec 1 oh welllllll

The weather has been nasty these few days, explains why i've been having horrible migraines. Its rare that i'll be down with migraines but i was and still am. I have lots of tasks and asssignments to do but my lazy arse isn't moving :( I'm extremely unproficient in managing my time and thats probably my biggest weakness right now. I tend to rush at the last minute and in the end, i'll presume that i put in much effort when all i did was rush through the last few days/nights. Sigh, i need to learn how to manage my time well and place my priorities at where they should be and not where i want them to be. I can't constantly be nuaing on the bed the whole day or spend most of my time stuffing myself with food just to make an excuse to start with whatever i have to. Oh gosh, this has got to stop. And i will make it stop in time for eoys.

Failed chem, amath and emath. I'd rather not talk about my scores so lets just leave that as it is. Its too dissapointing to even look at them.

inside out

Feeling extremely down today. Horrible day at school, seemed so degrading and just that inferiority feeling inside me. SS was fine apart from the fact that I only stated the differences and neglected the similarities. Art was odd? I went in totally unprepared and just let my creative juices run wild and free. I could only think of creating something abstract since thats the only thing in my opinion, describes me well.

Sometimes, I just don't get why they don't see the efforts I put in. I've been studying and studying and studying my eyeballs out and my brains are constantly left dried by the end of the day. But every time they just gotta pick on me about something minor. Is it really that amusing to you to pick on kids like me? what have I done to get such bullshit from you? So tired from facing this everyday, I wonder when it'll get better.

For now, let me just lock myself up in this suffocating domicile just to prove you arses wrong.

when all things fail

Whats in my sketch book for the first half of the year! Its filled with scribbling, rough outlines, messy drawings, AND MANY OUT-OF-PROPORTION SKETCHES :( its a bunch of messy and untidy pencil, pen and charcoal lines, shades and what not. But since its the first term, i'll cut some slack and start improving now :) 

I would love to conclude that today is the last day of term 2 and holidays are starting but I can't say so :( My holidays are packed with dance practices and musical rehearsals :( and its june, my very special month^^ but i'll be so preoccupied with all the school events. Adding on to that, i still have that pathetic excuse of studying for exams and therefore, i'm unable to enjoy myself and i'm coerced to withdraw from the true value of holidays.

Lately, i've been feeling demoralized. Just one of those days when you wanna snug up to bed under your covers reading your favourite book and having a sip of caramel macchiato just to emancipate yourself from the shit happening in this world. BUT NO you wake up every morning and come to realize that nothing has changed but everything is constantly changing. how ironic. 

waking up at 7 tomorrow when everyone else wakes up when their minds tell them to :( sighhhhhh

i'd roll up into a small ball and hide away from civilisation

I prefer this.

I am not fully satisfied with either of these sketches since they are really sketchy :( I'm currently learning how to draw hair, i guess i'm improving alittle (not trying to be egoistic hehe) but i still gotta work on more.

Common tests have started and I'm done with geog, ss, math (THANK GOD, I LOATHE MATH) and english. I screwed up all of them :( Especially geog and math, so very disappointed in myself. I coerced myself to read through all the chapters of geog but when i flipped open the paper, my mind totally blanked out for a moment and i began spewing gibberish information my mind could generate. It was not good, at all. Math was a holocaust.  Period.

So its the long weekends (yay yay yay^^) but i've got to finish my 5 boards for art and start doing up my layouts plus i've got lit on monday and the other heavy and dry subjects on the next few following days. I'll be really busy T_T oh well, wish me luck! :)

i should stay away from the devils

It was a gruesome 1 week 'holiday'. I won't even consider it as a holiday since my existence in school is known every single day and i did not have time for myself at all. Didn't even reflect on term 1 :( So adding on to the frequent trips to school, I had to complete all my school work and art. I probably neglected my other subjects and drew more attention to art and i managed to complete my boards.

The process of doing all the boards was tiring. I was mentally challenged into sitting down for hours sketching perpetually and forced to think of creative ideas for my final work. The teachers kept harping on the need for me to develop my ideas into a larger scale. They kept throwing ideas at me and my mind was teeming with gory shit which i couldn't showcase since it'll freak their minds out. I could feel my body frozen and i thought my legs were gonna melt, it was that nerve-wrecking. By the end of the consultation, i literally could feel my heart in my brain. The thumping noise and tension building up. I actually thought I was on the verge of erupting. 

Went back to thinking of another final layout which i have to redo and add on to my research :( I really love art, but the amount of work i have to do is quite (okay maybe a whole lot) intimidating. But at least i got 1 compliment! :) They said my sketches were interesting :) I've got a slight idea on what my final layout would be so i'll probably start working on that soon but first i gotta finish up my holiday homework. Good luck to me.

OH AND YES, I DID NOT SELF HARM, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH EXCESS PAINT. 

there is no appreciation

used charcoal for this particular eye. i'll probably use this sketch for my art project but i'm not sure how i'll annotate this :( and it has to have a connection with segmented #sigh 

i'm currently in the midst of acquiring the means and techniques of how to draw lashes and hair. This is my second attempt of drawing lashes, they seem mediocre. Not pleased or overjoyed, its seemingly satisfactory. On the other hand, drawing hair is one tough feat for me. It comes out atrocious. It has no form whatsoever and it looks like a bundle of uncivilized lines.  

Its the march holidays now and it doesn't seem like a holiday since i'll be going back to school everyfreakingday :( whats the point of calling it a holiday. Oh and yes, my mom keeps nagging and bragging at me as to why i painted my nails. DUDE, ITS A HOLIDAY!? i dont give a fuck if i have to go back to school, i'm still painting my nails and its in nude guys. NUDEEEEE. 

She keeps pestering and giving me those useless lectures. Firstly, i'm already doing the chores. I dont complain when i wash the toilet every sunday neither do i complain when i have to do my work or sweep/mop the floor. Secondly, I'm staying at home because you tell me so. Do i complain? no. When i stay at home you complain to me instead. Seriously mom. And lastly, i'm sacrificing so much for your sake but all you do is throw them back at me. Can you appreciate the things i do? for once.

Peace out homies. I'm done for the day.

rose blood

"rose blood" 

Inspired by one of allison harvard's paintings but i failed miserably T_T" The blood looks black here but its actually a dark red. Used gouache for the blood- it was my first time experimenting with gouache and knowing how overzealous i can be, i decided to add the gouache at different spots on the face when all i wanted was a nosebleed hehehe.

Used water colour for the hair! Its probably my favourite medium to use! Love the effect it has and its fairly manageable to work with :) dripped the paint at the corners of her face to give a demonic effect but once again ........ #sigh

I am currently chewing on a box of nerds and i've yet to touch any homework. I'll probably scribble some gibberish later on and rot my night away.